An open letter to all the folks who won't interview me...

Dear Sillyheads,
I have been led to believe that one of the reasons you will not honor me with an interview is because I am over fifty. Not much over fifty, but still over fifty. As if the fifty is a line you refuse to cross.

Oh, I know it's ILLEGAL to discriminate on the basis of age, but I'm no dummy. You use terms like "up-to-date-technology" and "energized workforce" but I know EXACTLY what you mean. You mean you think I'm too old to work for you.

Let me tell you something, Bukkoes--I have a hell of a lot more to offer you than someone in her twenties, thirties and forties. Not that you're going to let me prove it or anything, but here's the lowdown:

1. I have more energy to dedicate to my work than someone younger. I know! Hard to believe, isn't it? The old broad can focus more energy on work! Why? Because she isn't focusing her energy on her kids! My kids are grown! They don't need me to read to them, or help them with homework, or chauffer them to the myriad activities. I'm not staying up at night, waiting for them to come home from whatever-the-hell teenagers come home from. Nope! I can put that "kid energy" into my job.

2. I will be honest when I need to be, but will be gentle in that delivery. I won't ignore or gloss over a problem (unlike the terminally vapid Katie Holmes on the finale of "So You Think You Can Dance), but I'm not gonna verbally kick you in the balls, either. If there's a problem, I'll let you know. And I'll also offer ways to fix it. Because that's what mature women do--it's in our nature to help fix problems.

3. I will not have to take maternity leave.

4. Or move to be with a man.

5. If it's EXPERIENCE you want, then who better than a fifty-year-old woman? We have experience. A whole lot of it. I've driven home just in front of a tornado and not pi$$ed my pants, so you know I can handle an irate co-worker. I've spent the holidays on a broken foot with two kids under 12, so you know I can work through minor inconveniences. I got my Masters degree while working full time, raising those same two kids under the age of 12 AND taking care of a household with little help from my spouse so you know I can organize. Throw it at me. I'll handle it.

In reality, I think you are chicken$hit. I think if all women over the age of fifty got together, we could take over this entire country. And we would not play your silly games. You would have no other choice than to straighten up and fly right.

The fact that you are afraid lets me know that I am right.
Your loss.
I'll take my wonderful self elsewhere.
Sayonara,
Kirby

What's Next?

These are the things I am currently "playing with":

Buying an antique/consignment business
Leaving the teaching profession
Freelancing
Focusing on updating Brandywine

Here's the reality:

No regular income
No health insurance

It would be predictable that I would quit my job and get into an accident where I am badly injured and horribly disfigured and they would have to pull the plug because I'd have no insurance.

*sigh*

Let's torture our old people!

In the past four months, I have filled out over a dozen job applications and sent out several dozen resumes. I have not received one. single. response.

I know times are tight. I know we're in a recession. And I know that there are thousands of middle-aged folks out of work. Middle-aged middle management has taken a swift knee to the b@lls, and there's no real chance for those folks to recover. After all, we can only absorb a certain number of pompous a$$es.

But please hear me out.

*we won't get pregnant and be out for ten weeks' maternity (or paternity, for that matter) leave.
*we are pretty boring. You don't have to worry about us coming in all hungover, unless you expect us to work Saturday morning. Even then, it's unlikely.
*we are pretty responsible. There's not much chance that we'll do anything stupid; we need the job.
*we won't be wearing inappropriate clothing. Mainly because that kind of stuff no longer fits.

So, if you need to hire someone...you may want to look into hiring someone older. We don't have the sense of entitlement that younger folks do.
We know better.

If you're over fifty...

This is interesting.

DOB: unknown

Received the fifth "Thanks but no thanks...not even interested in interviewing you" e-mail.
Contrary to popular belief, I'm rather amusing in person. I'm smart and funny and I'm not afraid of a little hard work. I don't expect to get paid the big bucks...I'll even do a "trial run" for free--let me give you a week of my time. You won't be disappointed.
But no.

Honestly, I think folks are put off by my age.
What else can it be? I have an undergraduate degree in English/Communications and a graduate degree in Education. I am a fantastic reader, a good writer and can communicate clearly and effectively.

I can get thirteen- and fourteen-year-old BOYS to dance a production number from "A Chorus Line."

I am magical.

But I can't even get an interview.

I'm thinking of leaving my year of my graduation from Westminster off of my resume to see if it makes a difference. I know that ageism is illegal, but I believe it exists. (Just like prostitution, but I AM too old to go that route!)

Meanwhile, if you hear of any jobs that call for someone who can read and write and think and motivate and work a little magic now and then, please let me know!

Job Interview #1 - Should have been suspicious when they held it at a mall.

I decided to go out on a limb--a really loooong limb--yesterday and audition for a new segment on a local television station's morning show.

So did hundreds of other people.

(And yes, I'm well aware I don't have the hair for it.)

Anyway, I thought it would be a good experience, just so that I am in practice for the spring. Although I have applied for various jobs throughout the school system, they are LOUSY about contacting teachers, even to let us know our application was received. They usually end up hiring someone from an adjoining county--in an effort to keep the teachers from getting into jobs where they can actually talk about classroom needs. This is just my opinion, but it is widely held among my colleagues.

I didn't even make the first cut, though they did film me briefly for a segment about my 8th graders writing letters to this particular station about why I am the perfect candidate for the job. It's supposed to air next month when they advertise their new hire.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to practice interviewing and keep on keepin' on with Kirb Appeal and its various auspices. Stay tuned for more adventures of the new thirteen.